did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
