hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize