And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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