Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
