my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize