I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize