Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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