It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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