I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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