Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
