you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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