Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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