remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
