By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you will always have a special place in my vag
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
