So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
