he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
