I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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