Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
