He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
