You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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