it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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