sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
