after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
