so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
