Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
