Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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