This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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