you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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