Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
