you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
