I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
