Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize