We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
