So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
