im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
