A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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