I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
