im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The Olympian is in my bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
