I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize