Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
