just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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