whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
