I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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