ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
