dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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