My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
