escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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