have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
