it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
