Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ketchup is God's man juice
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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