I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
