butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
