the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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