It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize