I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
