Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
