Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
