i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
