I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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