and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
