Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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