only if we run a train.
done.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
