I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
