Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
