i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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