brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize