FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
