You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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