Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
