I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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