I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize