Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
