I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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