Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
