I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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