I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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