none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
