Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
