i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
