Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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