good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
