sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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