Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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