Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.

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(206): View more from Washington

He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

Fav 17 5131 1815
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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

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(775): View more from Nevada

all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.

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(641): View more from Iowa

I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.

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(317): View more from Indiana

just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype

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