I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
