You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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