thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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