Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
