it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
