It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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