i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
