my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
