Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
