I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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