I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
