All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
3pm strippers are depressing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
