My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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