what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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