Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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