nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
