Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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