what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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