Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
