Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
