Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
